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Lecturing: even though you have more life experience than your child, lecturing him about how to behave is likely to turn him off listening.Being defensive: this is very rarely useful.
A more effective approach is to tell her that you want to talk, and agree on a time to meet and discuss the issue later. If you’re angry or in the middle of an argument, it will be hard to calmly discuss what you expect of your child. Bad timing: few of us want to talk about a difficult topic when we’re angry or upset.A more effective approach is to give yourself some time to calm down. When we get angry, we can say things we don’t mean. Arguing: this rarely works for parents or teenagers.Involving someone like this can be a great way to ease the tension between you and your child. Another adult you know and trust, such as an aunt, uncle or family friend, might be able to support your child through this period.A useful response can be something like, “That comment came across as pretty offensive. Sometimes teenagers are disrespectful without meaning to be rude.Ignore your child’s shrugs, raised eyes and bored look if he’s generally behaving the way you’d like him to.Being light-hearted can also help take the heat out of a situation – but avoid mocking, ridiculing or being sarcastic. A shared laugh can break a stalemate, offer a different perspective on a situation, or lighten the tone of a conversation. At times, it might be appropriate to use consequences for things like rudeness, swearing or name-calling. Set and use consequences but try not to set too many.This lets her know you’re aware of and value her opinions. When you have a positive interaction, point this out to your child. Praise your teenager for positive communication.When you’re with your child, try to speak and act the way you want your child to speak and act towards you. It’s OK to occasionally say clearly how you’re feeling – “I am feeling furious with you just now. Instead of saying, “You’re rude”, you could try saying something like, “I feel hurt when you speak like that to me”. Avoid any comments about your child’s personality or character. When you need to talk about some disrespectful behaviour, focus on the behaviour and how you feel about it. Focus on the behaviour, not the person.Stop, take a deep breath, and continue calmly with what you wanted to say. This is important if your child reacts with “attitude” to a discussion. Involving your child in these discussions about rules means you can later remind him that he helped make the rules, and that he agreed to them. For example, you could say, “We speak respectfully in our family. Set clear rules about behaviour and communication.Handling your teen’s disrespectful behaviour In the meantime, you might like to read our article on staying connected to your child. It’s important to keep talking to her – you just might need to be a little more understanding if she’s short-tempered or moody, and remember that this phase will end. Tip: No matter how grumpy or irritable your child gets, she still values your communication. This shift to deeper thinking is a normal part of development.
It’s now that some young people seem to burst into the world with a contrary and radical view on everything. Teenagers are starting to think in a deeper way than they did a few years earlier, and they can have thoughts and feelings they’ve never had before. The changes going on, especially those affecting the emotional centre of the brain, can sometimes lead to over-sensitivity, as well as changeable moods or attitudes. Developing independence is a key part of growing up.Īlso, teenagers can be quite moody because of how teenage brains develop and change. Your child is learning to express and test out his own independent ideas, so there will be times when you disagree. Not all teenagers will be rude or disrespectful, but acting like this is a normal part of teenage growth and development. And there’s also good news: this phase will end. There are reasons for your child’s behaviour. Your child used to value your interest or input, but now it seems that even the most simple conversations can turn into arguments.
mumble, mumble, mumble.”Īs a parent, you can feel hurt, worried and unsure about what’s happened when you have conversations like this. I just wanted to know if you’re going OK with it. Your child –“Why are you checking up on me? Don’t you trust me? I always get good marks, so why ask me about it?” Sometimes you might feel that interactions with your child all seem a bit like this: Here are some strategies that can help you manage this kind of behaviour in the meantime. Disrespectful or rude behaviour in teenagers is something many parents face at some point.
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